Helps for Parents & Kids
Tools, Resources, Advice and Confidential Support for Families
Discipline
The word "discipline" often triggers a very negative image or thought. However, most don't clearly separate the differences between discipline and punishment. "Discipline is any training intended to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental development in a particular direction", whereas "Punishment is the practice of imposing something unpleasant or aversive on a person or animal in response to an unwanted, disobedient or morally wrong behavior". Source: Wikipedia
Punishment is always associated with negatives. It is designed to limit unwanted behaviors by connecting those behaviors to pain, discomfort, or displeasure. Essentially, the child misbehaves and the adult punishes. It often lacks a system of reward to reinforce positive behaviors. Obviously, age and safety play a role in making the choice to punish or discipline a child. A firm "no" and a pat on the back of the hand is punishment enought for a youngster to understand unwanted behavior.
Discipline limits unwanted behavior by focusing on the child's choice. The unwanted behavior was the result of a choice the child made. Every choice has a consequence, both negative and positive. Positive choices are affirmed and praised, and negative choices bring about negative consequences. In most cases, consequences need to be understood, expected, and consistent.
Because every child is unique, there is no one set of discipline techniques that produce the desired result for every child. Your local bookstore or library is packed with parenting books, and below are some helpful websites:
Education
The average time a child in this nation spends in a classroom from Kindergarten through 12th grade is approximately 11,700 hours or 487.5 twenty-four hour days. When we compare the time our children spend in school with the 2003 results of the Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study we are dismayed. This study involves half a million students in 41 developed countries, and the next gathering of data is taking place through 2007. In the Math section, American fourth graders placed 12th out of 26, eighth graders 28th out of 41, and high school seniors 19th out of 21 nations. In Science, American fourth graders fared well and placed 3rd out of 26, eighth graders placed 17th out of 26, and seniors 16th of 21. One may wonder how the "gifted and talented" students placed. In the math and science results of 16 countries, not including East Asian countries, America's best students placed next to last and last respectively. The most shocking news is that the 2003 results posted improvements across the board when compared to the 1999 and 1995 results.
- With billions of tax dollars funding our nation's education system, we must ask ourselves how our children's education system evolved into this kind of shape.
- Is the public school curricula lacking in effective and relevant content?
- Do school teachers have the needed desire and impetus to teach each child well?
- Are the public school textbooks equipped with the information that state and federal guidelines insist children must learn?
- Are individual schools handicapped and limited due to recent state and federal regulations?
Many would answer with a hearty "yes" to one or all of these questions, and just as assuredly many would say "no". Others would have plenty of other theories, and some would answer that they were satisfied with the state of their local school system.
The purpose of this section is not to point fingers and spark debate about the state of public education in this country, but to provide answers and information. The single best way to improve your child's education is to be actively involved both at home and in the school.
What is "No Child Left Behind"?
Federal legislation passed in 2002 whose ultimate goal is to ensure that by 2014, 100% of the students in all schools will score in the proficient or advanced performance levels in reading and mathematics on an approved assessment.
1). Public schools will give standardized tests annually to students in grades 3-8, and at least one test for high school grades.
2). Teacher must be "highly qualified" by receiving at least a bachelor's degree and having a background in subject taught.
3). A national "Reading First" program designed to help every child read well by the 3rd grade. This program is for students from K-3. The children who have the best results with this program are the children whose parents have worked regularly with them to learn skills since infancy.
4). Using standardized testing, the state and federal government is tracking how well each individual school is meeting expectations. Each school is required to give parents a copy of the school's report card at the beginning of the year. If the school is failing you have the right to ask that your child be transferred to another school. If an alternative school is not available in your area, the school is required to provide your child after-school and tutoring programs. To find your school's grade, visit schoolmatters.com . This legislation has been difficult for school systems, teachers, and consequently children. The standardized expectations are quite high. According to Fox News, 50% of Philadelphia middle school teachers failed the test they were giving their students.
What's the difference between an IEP and a 504 Plan?
An IEP is an Individual Education Program (or Plan) and it is used by students who are found to be learning disabled in some way. These children may have a diagnoses such as ADHD, Autism, Tourettes, etc. and will have a special education teacher.
A 504 Plan ensures that a student will not be discriminated against because of a physical handicap or limitation, such as having to use leg braces, a wheelchair, or special hearing aids. The child will not see special education teacher but classroom teacher will have to modify assignments and environment to suit child's needs. It is possible for a child to have an IEP and 504 Plan.
What is a Charter School?
A charter school is funded through citizens' tax dollars just as regular public schools are. However, it has been given a state charter making school exempt from certain federal, state, or local rules and regulations. Charter schools can be newly formed or can be transformed from an existing school. It is normally governed by a group or organization such as a board of educators or a university under a contract with the state. As of 2004, forty states have passed charter legislation, and thirty-nine of those states host charter schools. Because charter schools are a product of state legislation, some states have very few charter schools while other states have a variety of schools to choose from. This enables the parent to choose a specific school to fit their child's needs by considering curriculum, structure, size, environment, or other features. While this program has many positive benefits for students, some are concerned that a system allowing parents to choose which school their child attends will lead to racial segregation. For very detailed information on this matter, review this report by two Harvard University students. Because of the potentially delicate application and enrollment process, charter schools must be governed by an accountable, visible, and impartial group of administrators.
What is an Education Voucher?
An education voucher, or school voucher, is skimmed from the pool of tax dollars designated to go to public education. It is then directed to individual families for education rather than to school districts. This allows the parents to select the school their student will attend with all or part of the tuition paid. These vouchers can be funded and administered by the government, private organizations, or both. Proponents feel that parental choice and competition between schools will improve standards of education for all students, rather than simply depending on laws that require educators to teach to the test. Parents who have made use of voucher programs are overwhelmingly enthusiastic about the program. Those opposed to vouchers state that an educational system built on privatization and competition would fail. Opponents also pose the issue of funding other schools through vouchers while the existent public schools require so much reform. For more information visit schoolchoices.org
What if my child needs help but does not qualify for an IEP or 504 Plan?
If your child needs additional support or tutoring and you are not able or qualified to meet the need, provide a tutor for your child. While you can look in the phone book for local tutoring centers such as Sylvan and Huntington, be prepared to spend some money on assessments and sessions. The cost of tutoring will depend on your child's age, needs, and subject area weakness. You may be able to save money by finding a tutor on networking sites such as tutornation, tutorsteach, or growingstars. The simplest solution to find a tutor may be to make inquiries of other parents, teachers, or administrators in your school district.
school.discovery.com - Great resources for teachers and parents alike. 
greatschools.net - Broad-based library of resources for parents.
gomath.com - Fun math helps for middle and high school students.
collegeboard.com - SAT Preparation, including free practice questions and tests.
number2.com - Free online SAT, ACT, and GRE test preparation courses and electronic tutoring.
Employment and Child Care
With the cost of living on the rise and inflation steadily marching onward, many families are struggling to make ends meet. Employment and childcare have always been a challenge for working families, but more more now than ever parents are feeling pressured to work because of rising costs. It is necessary to analyze and compare several factors when faced with these significant decisions.
If a spouse in a two-parent home is considering employment, think about cost versus profit. As the cost of living has risen, so has the cost of childcare. Use this helpful tool to discover actual monthly earnings.
Moms, don't sell yourself short! According to The Chicago Tribune, mothers make better managers than men or women without children. Mothers consistently have better social interaction skills, handle stress and crisis better, and are often more appealing to their supervisors. Seventy percent of those interviewed stated that they would prefer to work for a mother. If you require a degree or certification, consider a technical or community college.
If a single parent, you really have no choice regarding childcare. If you have a trusted friend or relative willing to watch your child, consider yourself blessed! If not, networking is the key to gathering information successfully and placing you child in a nurturing, supportive day care program. Talk to friends or parents in the area, your child's guidance counselor, or find an agency in your area by searching ChildCareAware.
Keep in mind that these agencies will direct you to larger child care programs initially, which are usually more expensive. You may be able to save money by finding a small private, state licensed provider, but you may be trading services, programs, or activities for savings. Be aware of your child's unique needs and personality, not only your budget, when making your decision.
The first two years of a child's life are a formative stage and shaped dramatically by parent. If child has an absence of or very minimal parental influence and attention, an attachment disorder may develop. This disorder is characterized by lack of response to direction, an absence of normal childhood eagerness to please, and even aggression toward pets or younger peers. Therefore, a loving parental relationship is necessary especially in first two years for the formation of trust and healthy autonomy in child.
Working from Home
If you are thinking about staying at home with your child and working from home, beware the numerous "work at home" programs marketed on television infomercials, newspapers, and the internet. Often these scams lure workers to their company with promises of a huge monetary return after only a small financial investment. Workers may have to work many hours for several weeks before seeing any return, or may have to buy their own supplies such as paper, envelopes, stamps, or supplies for assembly-related jobs. For filing or data entry jobs, the worker may have to "sell themselves" to area medical offices in an effort to contract the work done by their own employees, and will have to bid at a rate lower than is being paid to office employees. The Federal Trade Commission recommends asking these questions and receiving written documentation of answers before moving foward in any work at home process.
- What tasks will I have to perform? (Ask the program sponsor to list every step of the job.)
- Will I be paid a salary or will my pay be based on commission?
- Who will pay me?
- When will I get my first paycheck?
- What is the total cost of the work-at-home program, including supplies, equipment and membership fees? What will I get for my money?
If you have had a problem with one of these programs and you feel that you were misled and deceived, contact the company and ask them to make amends. If not successful, follow one or all of the below steps given by the Federal Trade Commission.
- The Federal Trade Commission works for the consumer to prevent fraud and deception. Call 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357) or log on to their website.
- The Attorney General's office in your state or the state where the company is located. The office will be able to tell you whether you're protected by any state law that may regulate work-at-home programs.
- Your local consumer protection offices.
- Your local Better Business Bureau.
- Your local postmaster. The U.S. Postal Service investigates fraudulent mail practices.
- The advertising manager of the publication that ran the ad. The manager may be interested to learn about the problems you've had with the company.
It is possible to earn a living from home, but you can be led astray very easily if you depend on media to sell the system. Networking is key when researching opportunities to work from home. Find out who is successful, find out the why, what, and how. You should not have to pay a dime to gather this information. Once you receive that information, ask the questions listed above. Though I searched for reputable companies and marketing tools, I could not find any one that seemed to be more trustworthy than any other. One site was mentioned several places and it offers a wealth of resources and information without blatantly selling a program or offer. Explore BizyMoms to find out more.
Foster Care
According to a report by the US Department of Health and Human Services, American families were providing for 513,000 foster children at the end of the 2005 fiscal year. 
... he is nine years old. he loves Xbox, basketball, and comic hero movies. he doesn't like broccoli or carrots but loves pizza and ice cream. he loves brushing his teeth and wears Spider Man pajamas. however, he has seen and experienced more in his nine years than most see in a lifetime.
... he witnessed many men come into his mother's life and saw his mother take beatings regularly. he was locked in closets and in the basement for hours without food or water, and he had to relieve himself in the corner. his mom and her boyfriends often awakened him in the night to demand harshly that he take money to scary men in big cars, and he would return with ziplock baggies. he was nine years old.
... she is eleven years old. she loves hanging out with friends at school and collecting purses. she works hard to get good grades and teachers love her positive, cheerful attitude. her vivacious personality attracts friends and impresses adults.
... she doesn't remember, but as an infant her mother left her in a car seat on the living room floor much of the time, so she could have both hands free to chat with men online. when old enough to walk, neighbors were alarmed to see her tottering around the front yard several times and even into the street. she was place in her first foster home at the age of two. she returned to her mother at the age of four, only to discover that a strange man had moved in with her mother. after several months, he began putting her to bed, and she grew to dislike the hugs he gave her at bedtime.
... as she grew older, more children were added to the family, and she began caring for her younger siblings. she changed diapers, cooked meals, and wiped noses. she packed lunches and helped with homework.
... she is in her fourth foster home. she has called the foster mother "mom" from the day of placement, but complains about the meals "mom" prepares. she has attached to foster father, but is resistant to "mom". no one is a stranger. she greets and hugs all, and allows no one to hug her. ...she is eleven years old.
What result would be realized if everyone in this nation were to judge the foster care system in the way that popular media has portrayed it? 513,000 children would either remain in an unfit, neglectful, or abusive home or would be placed into a group residential setting. Because of sheer numbers, children would have to be placed in a setting without regard to individual needs or strengths and would be supervised by a rotating shift of underpaid and largely uneducated "mental health counselors".
However, because thousands of families across this great country recognize the need to give back to the community and enter into a partnership with another family, these children have a surrogate family unit to call home.
The two main categories in the foster care system are traditional foster care and therapeutic foster care. The local Department of Social Services evaluates the health, history, and unique needs of both the biological parent(s) and the child to determine the best fit for the child. Traditional foster care is used often when it appears that the child has few issues and the parent will meet expectations of DSS in an appropriate amount of time. Therapeutic foster care is utilized when the child presents more behaviors and challenges physically, emotionally, and behaviorally. Both branches of foster care provide a supportive, loving home environment for a child. Therapeutic foster care requires extensive pre-service and in-service training. Therapeutic foster parents are expected not only to provide basic care and nurturance to children, but also to carry out specific treatment strategies to produce specific types of outcomes regarding the condition or problems they present at referral. Because the demands of therapeutic foster care are greater than traditional foster care, more support services are made available to the foster parent and compensation is dispensed at a higher rate.
For more information regarding foster care in your area, talk to friends who have experience in the field. If living in VA or WVA, one recommended organization is Braley & Thompson, Inc.
- Information and Links
- Articles and Training
- Foster Parenting.com
- FosterClub - Adults
- FosterClub - Teens
- Foster Club - Kids
Health Care
With the current economy, many Americans are dealing with the harsh reality of job cuts and salary reductions. Why then do insurance companies continue to raise rates year after year? How can they expect workers to keep up? Our country's health care system seems to be falling in line with our trouble-plagued educational system.
Fifty million Americans have no medical insurance coverage, about 1 in 6 people. About 50% of those who have medical coverage "purchase" the plan from their employer. Roughly $1 of every $6 earned pays for medical insurance. Why do Americans look at the weekly grocery store sales and clip coupons when we are willing to give 17% of what we earn to doctors, hospitals, and pharmaceutical companies? There has to be a better way... and more and more people are looking for it. 
While many look at Canada and Europe's systems of socialized medicine with envy, none of those have gone through the process of receiving care through a goverment-provided health system. A waiting time of three months or more is commonplace. Standing in line at clinics for hours is as normal for them as being stuck in rush hour traffic is for us. Then of course, the paperwork the patient completes and the records system for every citizen of the country is controlled and maintained through government bureaucracy, so you can imagine how smoothly things work.
So before we jump on the government fix all bandwagon in support of some politician's smooth-sounding rhetoric, let's take the time to explore recent consumer-focused health care trends in our nation.
- Generic prescription drugs - Manufacturers of brand name prescription drugs are actually going out of business because consumers insist that generic drugs are as beneficial as brand name prescription drugs. Many brand name drugs now have a generic counterpart, passing the savings on to the patient. Walmart has a list of 300 generic drugs that cost only $4 for a month's supply and Kmart offers a list of generic medication that allows consumers to buy a three month supply for $15. Programs are also offered to further help the significant cost of prescription medication. (Partnership for Prescription Assistance or The Medicine Program)
- Rise of free-market medicine - Health care is a business, and as with any business competition is good for the consumer. Many doctors specializing in cosmetic surgery will perform a procedure involving a botox injection or eyelid lift for a patient with little wait or hassle. Yet a patient referred with a possibly cancerous mole on the face may have to wait for months to see a specialist. This is because the cosmetic surgeries are not covered under insurance and the doctor receives 100% of what the operation cost. When dealing with insurance, the doctor has to deal with the discounted rate the insurance company receives and has to wait for the claims and billing to be processed. Then the doctor crosses his fingers and hopes that the patient pays remainder. Unfortunately, those without medical insurance are sometimes victims of price gouging. A $12,000 operation may be negotiated to half that amount by insurance companies, but without the discount offered by insurance companies the patient is responsible for 100%. Many lower to middle class families are caught in the dilemma of having to choose between the outragious cost of monthly insurance premiums and the similar cost of dealing with health care without insurance.
- Shop around - Did you know that many insurance companies are eliminating or reducing maternity care and childbirth expenses? Even after insurance, the birth of a healthy baby can cost thousands of dollars for the mother to be. If a difficult pregnancy or delivery, the cost can be enormous. The average birth costs between $6,000 and $12,000 dollars, depending on where you live. Prices differ drastically from hospital to hospital. If your local hospital is more pricey, find out what another with comparable equipment and technology charges. If lower, negotiate that lower price with your local hospital. With some time and a "don't give up" attitude a mother can negotiate huge discounts with health care providers, saving even more if cash can be paid up front.
- Rate your doctor - Only recently has the average consumer had such a great impact on such huge companies. Before the rise of YouTube and other video sharing sites, letters and phone calls to customer services seemed to be the only way to make a complaint about a company or its product. Now, a single accurate and well-documented case against a company becomes a huge impediment when posted online where millions can see. Because health care is a business, patients decide who will provide care for them. If a patient has a bad experience, that person should not have to go back and would not want a friend or neighbor to go to that provider. RateMDs.com is a valuable site when researching a specialist or when warning others after a negative personal experience. With enough feedback about a subpar doctor, that provider will soon be retiring or skipping town.
- Guaranteed procedures?! - Some hospitals in one state are beginning to guarantee medical procedures performed at their facilities. If patients follow aftercare instructions and develop complications connected to the surgery, the hospital will pay for further care. Mystery shopping services have begun a branch devoted solely to rating health care facilities. The CEOs of health care organizations have started to realize that judicious consumers are doing their research and weighing their options.
- Educate yourself - Unfortunately, doctors are human and sometimes make mistakes. Never attempt to diagnose or treat any physical ailment you're not qualified to, but learn as much as you can about symptoms, treatment, and side effects. Some helpful sites are PersonalMD and WebMD. Go to an optometrist for a vision exam, but do not purchase the expensive fashion frames they stock. Use your prescription to buy affordable eyewear through Zenni Optical. Shop around for insurance through Anthem, Ehealthinsurance, or the non-profit company Kaiser Permanente.
Internet Safety
What we now know as the "Internet" was developed in the late sixties primarily to provide an alternate method of transmitting information in the case of nuclear attack. The first rudimentary "search engine" was developed in 1989. Today, it is hard to imagine how life and business would change without the medium of the internet.
Unfortunately, every good thing can be made unhealthy or harmful. Children and teenagers stumble across or are lured into the "dark" side of the internet at an alarming rate. According to the 
In December of 2006, the social-networking giant MySpace, which allows kids as young as 14 years old to register on the site, teamed up with background check firm Sentinel Tech Holding to create a system that would detect registered sexual offenders among the more than 179 million members of the site. The system started operating in May of 2007 and by the end of July had discovered and deleted over 29,000 accounts belonging to convicted sexual offenders. If this makes you feel safer about your child being online, remember this. These 29,000 convicts are the relatively few predators who are so ignorant as to use their given name and accurate information when registering for an account.
We see that MySpace is not going to protect our kids for us; we have to bear that responsibility as parents.
- Parental Control Bar is a great tool that a parent can enable and disable through a chosen password.
- Kidrocket is an actual kid-friendly browser that allows a younger child to surf the internet safely.
- Beware community and networking sites like Stickam and those using IMVU characters.
- Connect Safely offers a forum to post questions and read about issues and advice from other parents.
- For more child safety tips, check out mychildsafety.net.
Personal Finance
Oh yes, money. Is it good or is it bad? It can control you or you can control it. Regardless of how much money we have or make, we could always use just a little bit more. Before you read further, use this tool to find out how you compare with the rest of the world.
 Discover how rich you are! >> |
Now that you feel a little better about how you've been blessed, I'll outline some strategies to stretch your dollars even further.
- Never spend more than you make. Work the numbers, it's not rocket science. Create a budget, and stick to it.
- Cut up your credit cards. If you must have one card to establish credit, use it to purchase gas and pay the balance in full monthly.
- Check your credit report yourself. You can request one free report per year from each of the three credit bureaus; every four months make a request. Start the process at annualcreditreport.com.
- Pay off higher interest cards first, and pay bi-weekly rather than monthly. This cuts down on interest and will equal 13 monthly payments.
- While you are paying off credit cards, scrimp until you have a small emergency fund saved up, then focus on paying off the cards.
- Avoid saving or investing money at a lower % rate than you have a rate of debt.
- If you reach a comfortable place and would like to start saving in earnest, do not use local bank savings accounts. Compare retirement options such as traditional and Roth IRAs, and if more conservative, use an online savings account. A savings account with your bank may offer an average rate of 0.5% while online banks offer rates between 4.5 and 5.05%. Some offer teaser rates as high as 6% for a limited time to encourage new account holders. Some trusted banks are ING Direct, Emigrant Direct, and HSBC Direct.
Rather than list the hundreds of ways you can save money on a daily basis in every area of life, I will encourage you to use a site like 101waystosavemoney to search for ideas that work for you.
Tax Tips
The Internal Revenue Service. A letter or phone call from the IRS is only welcome when explaining a question or delivering a refund check. April 15th is quickly approaching and perhaps you have questions about filing your taxes. If you are privileged to know a family member or friend in the business of preparing taxes, you're in luck! For the rest of us, a little assistance is usually required.
Taxpayers have several options when reporting their earnings to the IRS.
- Do not report earnings at all, or be deceitful when reporting. Congress has been alarmed by IRS reports of tax fraud totaling 280 billion dollars, and so have authorized an increase in tax auditing. Click here to find out the end results of cheating the IRS.
- Take your paperwork to an accountant or a tax business to have them done professionally. The average hourly fee for an accountant is $109. I called a local tax preparing business for pricing details. While hesitant to quote a price over the phone, the salesperson estimated that three W2 forms and itemized options would average about $350, but also said that it depends on the amount of the return. Hmmm... that's funny, what does my rebate check have to do with their pricing? Personally, I don't trust a bored stranger at a computer to protect my finances as I would, no matter what a guarantee may say.
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Do it yourself at your convenience. The market is full of tax software that has become more user intuitive and simplistic while still maintaining accuracy through helpful features and tools. JK Lasser provides a subscription site that offers a wealth of free tax tips and advice
- Turbo Tax has consistently received the highest ratings for overall features and ease of use, but is one of the more expensive programs.
- Tax Act is a great program if you have a greater understanding of filing taxes or do not have many complications with your return.
- Tax Hawk offers free federal tax preparation and e-filing for many and free state prep and filing for some.
- Tax Slayer supports our country by allowing those with a military ID to prepare and file both federal and state for free.
While the percentage of those audited by the IRS is very small (less than 2%), you can minimize your chances of being audited by recognizing the red flags and taking a few simple steps.
- Earning too much money: This is a problem too few of us enjoy! A taxable income greater than $100,000 is a red flag.
- Giving too much money away: It seems like you just can't win! If you make too much or give away too much, the good folks at the IRS may raise their eyebrows. Contributions amounting to more than 5-10% of your income may produce warning flags.
- Taking too many credits or deductions, especially filing for the rate reduction credit or home office deduction.
- Math or data entry errors: An incorrect SSN will be sure to bring about correspondence from the IRS; though it would probably be a simple letter, any special attention from the IRS is not a good thing.
- Drastic variations in claimed income or deductions: Compare prior returns with current numbers.